If you follow the blog, you have most likely realized that there was a point in my life that changed everything. Everything about me.
It fractured who I was.
It fractured my trust in people.
It fractured my ability to open up to others.
To protect myself, and my family, I shut myself off from the world. I shut down all avenues of social media.
I quit talking to people because I didn’t know who I could trust outside my tight inner circle.
All of this was happening at a time when my health was taking a serious decline.
I lost one of the best friends that I ever have had in this lifetime.
I had other members of my family fighting serious terminal illness, and I had thrown everything I could into helping family. Because I remember what it was like for me when I was enrolled in a study and thinking I was going to have to shave my head.
I was in the thick of it.
The thick of life, and it was hitting HARD.
I cannot recall all the days that I wept profusely and cried out to God.
Trying to make sense of what all was happening, and why, and why now.
But it wasn’t God.
And God was allowing it to so I would grow, and it would teach me something.
The devil uses whatever he can and will use any avenue to get to you. I see it over, and over, and over.
Lies, deceit.
They live everywhere.
So, in the time of my shutting myself off from the world, I only talked to a very few outside of my house and my parents.
Well, coworkers, of course, but only about work.
As time went on, and I walked through the forgiveness study, I found myself coming out of a dark place, and the rays of light shining through again.
I had opened back up my social media.
Started interacting with people.
Started inviting kids to come back over to our house.
Time traveled on.
And as time travelled on, I realized that one of my trusted confidants in probably the darkest time in my life had become uncomfortably close to the person who was factually responsible for fracturing my world.
And that right there brought a world of hurt.
Back to the why… the how… after how much I loved and poured out.
And on the flip side, I found myself getting angry again… boundaries… some people have no respect for boundaries.
But what it all circles back to…
God was teaching me something.
He was teaching me about ordained friendships.
You see, the friendships that are ordained by God are blessings abundant.
They don’t house drama.
They don’t house deceit.
They house love and respect.
Lifting one another up.
They reside in prayer.
They reside in “I got you, sister.”
So while betrayal was the ultimate feeling that I felt, I now also feel appreciation.
I can love others as God called me to love them.
I can have grace, and I can be kind.
And I don’t ever have to give so much of myself to others because some crosses are not mine to bear.
We can help, we can love, we can support, but God carries it all.
And while the lesson came with a lot of hurt, and still constant reminders, I learned so much about myself through it all.
To my God-ordained sisters, I love you.
Thank you,
All the best,
~ Stace
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