The Rhoades Edit

Real Moments / Graceful Guidance

Your divorce doesn’t have to define you. You are worthy of all things!

Let me repeat. Your divorce does not have to define you. You are worthy of all things. It is not who you are and only an event that has happened in your life. I personally know the shame, embarrassment, and judgement that falls post-divorce. Whether the divorce was your choice, a mutual decision, or a blindside, there feelings of failure are heavy.

I have lived it on all sides, and I received judgment for it all on sides. Let me share a backstory. Just a little cliff note version, per se, so hopefully this finds someone in a place where they do not feel alone.

I was married, had a child, got a divorce. Did not heal from that divorce, quickly found myself in another relationship, married, immediately knew it was a mistake. However, I let the massive feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment keep me from dissolving that marriage and moving on with my life. Therefore, I spent a few years in a horrible place. Yep, you just counted it… more than one divorce. You can imagine the shame and failure that I was feeling. I was in a very dark place and felt extremely alone, even with others around me. I didn’t feel that I could talk to anyone about anything. My life fell apart, again. This is where I sought therapy, and THIS IS WHERE MY HEALING BEGAN.

I started seeing the a wonderful Christian therapist and this changed every aspect of my life. It not only changed how I felt about myself, but it also changed how I saw myself in God’s eyes. This is when I began journaling and I did so intently every single day. Every single day, I started out by writing, at the advice of my therapist, I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING!

You too are a child of the Most High King. You are not alone, He has not forsaken you, He loves you, He is with you. Being a conservative Christian in the south, I personally was so afraid of how others looked at me that overcoming those feelings took a very long time. It took coming to a place where I could stand in firm of who I am in Christ, before I could let the judgment of others not affect me. I am going to be honest, as I sit here years later, I have come across a couple people that literally mentioned my past with an intent to hurt me, with no knowledge, clue, or concept of my history. It is in those moments where I was able to remain unaffected by the words of another because I know my worth.

If I could give anyone one piece of advice who is struggling during a divorce or settling with the fact of now being divorced, it would be to start keeping a journal daily and to write what you are feeling and be honest with yourself. Do not sit and hold feelings in because they will consume you. Then close each day by again affirming who you are in Christ and an action step that you can take to progress your healing forward.

You got this and you are worthy of all things!!! God bless, friend!

~ Stace

Below is a link to a wonderful resource. This is the book we used when I co-lead our divorce recovery small group at church and it is a wonderful guide!